This Week’s Watches
The Adventures of Tintin (2011)
Starring: Jamie Bell, Andy Serkis, Daniel Craig & CGI Snowy
Directed by: Steven Spielberg
Rating: ★½
Oh no: he's done it again- Steven Spielberg has ruined yet another beloved icon of our childhood. Just when you thought that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Crystal Skull was him having a rare 'senior moment', he releases Tintin, and so destroys another beloved hero. I can't tell you how badly disappointed I was with this film- and I'm not really that much of a Tintin fan! I did read the books and watch the cartoon, but I was never a hard core follower of his, so if I felt that the movie was terribly underwhelming and weak, what must the true fans think? This really was below par in every way except for the astounding graphics, but sadly, a film shouldn't be merited on looking good alone. If the best part of the entire film was the opening credits (which were really cool), then what does that say about the rest of the movie? The story is badly plotted, boring, slow paced and entirely weak: with an array of Tintin classics to choose from, I struggle to understand why they picked the worse story out of the lot- they could have had giant spiders, Inca temples, rockets to the moon, but no, they chose a pirate ship. Really?!? A pirate ship?? Not only do they never get to go on the pirate ship- which we just see in flash backs, the 'resolution' of the plot is a complete ass-pull ('it was here the whole time? we didn't even need to go on an adventure?')!! Snowy, the CGI dog, is by far and away the best character- easily stealing scenes from the grotesque over the top and hammy acting that makes Dora the Explorer look like Meryl Streep! I know it's meant to be for kids (even though I always felt the books were quite dark) but does Tintin really need to speak aloud all the time and say everything that he is thinking in an incredibly annoying and belittling way (just like Dora!)? And the action scenes- which look amazing- sadly just aren't exciting. The whole movie failed to connect with me, and I think that, even though they spent astronomical amounts of money on the CGI, they probably should have just done it all in animation, because the characters look weird and creepy and for this film, and for Tintin, I don't think it really works.
Immortals
Starring: Henry Cavill, Freida Pinto & Mickey Rourke
Directed by: Tarsem Singh
Rating: 0 stars
I have absolutely nothing positive to say about this film at all. It was terrible, horrible, awful. How can a movie about a Greek hero be so boring?? It was so bad there are just not enough words in the English language to describe it. I'm so dumb-struck by it's sheer crappiness that I fail to gather my thoughts coherently- just like the movie itself. I don't know who decided to take both the labyrinth and the Minotaur out of a story about Theseus (the Minotaur killer) and instead replace it with... well I'm not sure I fully understood what was even happening. And before you say 'but there was a minotaur'- a man in a bull's mask does not count! It made no sense- one of the main characters was Zeus, so if they thought that putting a monster in would make it more unbelievable then their line of rational reasoning was completely skewed! Especially since all the gods come out of Olympus at the end and take part in a rubbish 'battle'. How can you even try to make a film about the Greek gods and goddess 'realistic' in the first place, especially when everything is filmed like there is a inch of Vaseline over the camera lens?!? Immortals tried to have style over substance, but had neither. It was piss poor, and was a waste of my time, and hours of my life. Do not be fooled into seeing it, at any cost. You have been warned!
Just Go With It (2011)
Starring: Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston & Nicole Kidman
Directed by:
Rating: ★★½
With (most) Adam Sandler films, what you see is what you get, and if you are expecting an amazing art house movie, then you will be sadly disappointed. If you are however anticipating lots of fart jokes and immature yet humorous gags with a strong romantic plot, then this is for you. This time, Sandler plays a successful plastic surgeon, who pretends that he is married to his receptionist to get with another woman. His receptionist goes along with the lie because she wants to look good for her old enemy. It's a similar 'silly' type of Sandler film, but it is watchable, mainly because Sandler and Aniston are likeable leads, and you want them to get together ar the end. Unsurprisingly, some of the humour is typical childish thirteen year old boy sex jokes, but surprisingly, most of it isn't.One moment, involving a sheep that needs to be resuscitated, is hilarious, and all in all, it is quite funny. Kidman is great, having fun as a rich bitch who tries to compete with Aniston's character. The romantic moments are good, and just like other Sandler rom-coms, there are some real heartfelt moments. It's good, and I'm not really an avid Sandler fan, but if you are, then you will love this.
Pick of the Week
Unstoppable (2010)
Starring: Denzel Washington, Chris Pine & Rosario Dawson
Directed by: Tony Scott
Rating: ★★★½
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| Can they stop the runaway train? |
Any film that pairs Denzel and Tony Scott together is going to be good. And if you don't believe me, then just watch Déjà Vu or Man on Fire or The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3. Or Unstoppable. It's a shame that Scott didn't direct Denzel's newest movie, Safe House, which was crap, but may have be good with Scott's direction (possibly, but who knows). Anyway, Unstoppable is about a train loaded with explosives that basically can't stop due to a series of slip ups and misfortunes, and it is up to train conductor Frank (Washington) and newcomer Will (Pine) to stop the train before it ploughs into a city and kills everyone. Yes, the plot sounds lame (it actually put me off watching it), since a speeding train doesn't seem particularly interesting, but with good direction from Scott, a great script and endearing performances from the leads, it all comes together. Unusually for an action/thriller, Frank and Will don't actually get involved in the 'train chase' until the second half of the film, instead receiving lots of characterisation as another character, yardmaster Connie (Dawson), simultaneously tries her best to prevent the possible catastrophe. Just like a real train, the movie begins slowly and then tentatively builds up the pace, eventually barrelling along towards the exhilarating and exciting finale. There are some really tense moments, as well as some frantic action sequences. I would recommend this not only to Denzel fans, as he is on form as the morally ambiguous though loveable lead, but also to anyone who likes a good, solid thriller.
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